But his best friend is gay, so it's okay. Acceptable, even. Welcomeβespecially when he refers to themβthis moment, this relaxing sceneβas a powderkeg. It's not really helping the stiff situation he's been trying to will away, though.
And he smiles at him, handsomely conspiratorial. Noctis, with an orange glow to his skin, eyes blue but deeper in colour now, almost navy in low light. Noctis, with a shoulder and thigh against his, beneath the blanket beside him.
Jonas takes another heavy drink from the bottle, gazing at the fire. Why is he so nervous? )
Oh, okay, hypocrite... but, uh, look, I... just brought the fruit and nuts, okay? So, like, if you're fishing for snacks, that's all I had. Honest. Nary a chip in my tent.
It's nice, though. Kinda... getting up late. Enjoying this while, like, everyone else is asleep.
[ Noctis, momentarily unburdened by at least half of his usual self-doubt and social anxiety, simply nods in response to what he takes as praise. Yes, he did get the reference right, and it's a reference to a song and person Jonas likes. It feels good to share in his world and interests. ]
Hm. [ A soft hum as he leans back on a gloved palm, trying to be subtle when he looks his friend over but a drunken gaze is a well-telegraphed one. He doesn't want to listen to the next songs alone. He wants to see Jonas sway to them, or point out his favorite parts before they come, or hum along. ]
Everyone wasn't asleep before you came over, I dunno where they went. I guess you scared 'em off. [ He lifts a hand between them, palm up, waiting expectantly. ]
If it's fruit and nuts, I guess I'll have to eat it. Next time I'll stock chips too so this doesn't happen again. Give.
( The look isn't subtle at all. At the hum, Jonas glances at Noctis, which automatically connects them by sight. This is held for a moment too long, making sun-kissed cheeks become ruddy with the pleasant kind of embarrassment. )
Um, ( he adds quickly to the conversation to cover poorly for their joint flub, ) I-I guess so. They probably got sick of Total Eclipse of the Heart. Like, how, I don't know, but, uh... Who cares about them?
( Fruits and nuts in a plastic bag are dropped into Noctis' waiting hand. Then Jonas remembers that he's trying to flirt, and the drop turns into a hasty grab, pushing them back downβand more heavily this time, so that their fingers "accidentally" brush. )
There... Enjoy. ( While he mentally berates himself for not chugging the whole bottle of spiced liquor the moment he sat down.
His heart is pounding. )
Hey, uh... You'reβIt's been cool of you, listening to the playlist I made you, andβLook, it's a big deal, sometimes, wanting people to, um... to like what you like. So, thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying a lot of it. It's whatever, but that's important to me.
[ Fingerless gloves ensure that, even with his palms covered, he's able to feel every bit of that slide of fingertips against his own. He was certain that he was overheated already from the fire's influence but an electric spark of warmth assures him he's wrong. His head lolls to the side as he appraises his friend, cheeks dusted pink but for once he doesn't force himself to look away. ]
Ah... what's all that, all of a sudden? Usually you sound so confident when you give me your opinions...
[ He's unabashed in his love for music, for food, for all the joys of life that he'd almost lost. It's tragic.
It's cute. ]
I thought I was the self-conscious one. You're surprising me lately... [ That bag's done into without any further delay, predictably going right for the sweet dried fruit. ]
... what a weird week. [ COMEDICALLY SUDDEN, as he holds out a segment of dried tangerine for Jonas to take. ]
( It's his turn to keep his eyes down, feeling Noctis' still on him. How long has it been since he's sat next to a love interest and felt his stomach roll? He and Cain began to touch and kiss almost immediately, spurred on by adrenaline and the simple idea of being alive. He became so comfortable being in his own skin with Cain, clothed or naked, and he adores him for it.
But with Noctis, it's all butterflies.
Two kinds of deep appreciation, both leading to the same conclusion: He wishes he could have his cake and eat it, too. Life's not like that, though. It's brief and unfair. Now there's a difficult choice waiting ahead of him, practicing its swing with a baseball bat.
Eyelids low, watching the dry logs on the fire burn evenly and only occasionally snap and crackle, he tightens his fingers around the liquor bottle. )
Sorry to shatter the illusion for you, hon, but the self-deprecating jokes have to come from somewhere. ( He smiles, waving away the bit of tangerine. ) It's cool, you have it. I just want to hear about the songs you liked best. Will you show me...?
[ The piece of fruit is popped into his mouth the second Jonas refuses it, taking his time to savor what he's already decided is his favorite flavor. Offering him a choice piece was a special gift, and Jonas didn't have to accept it in order for him to feel proud of himself for being so selfless. He really is becoming a better friend.
Or... so he wants to tell himself.
Because sitting here, the bridge between thought and emotion thoroughly lubricated by half a bottle of spiced liquor, he wonders if it isn't wrong for him to now knowingly flirt with another friend's romantic interest. Realizing he liked Jonas after their last conversation wasn't difficult. Hell, realizing he liked him before that wasn't difficult, but every fantasy was laden with guilt and every daydream was cut off at the pass. Not so, now.
There's just a persistent thought of Cain, more distant now as they enjoy an evening of drink and good feeling together, but not gone either. ]
What, right now? You want me to put on music?
[ He hums an affirmative as he takes another bite, needlessly dusting off his hands on the blanket before fumbling for his datapad. His movements are sloppy but overthought, heart beating louder in his chest as he swipes sightlessly at first through a long playlist. ]
Oh... this one was good β "Don't Stop Me Now"? You know them all really well, right?
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( They're... They're gay references.
But his best friend is gay, so it's okay. Acceptable, even. Welcomeβespecially when he refers to themβthis moment, this relaxing sceneβas a powderkeg. It's not really helping the stiff situation he's been trying to will away, though.
And he smiles at him, handsomely conspiratorial. Noctis, with an orange glow to his skin, eyes blue but deeper in colour now, almost navy in low light. Noctis, with a shoulder and thigh against his, beneath the blanket beside him.
Jonas takes another heavy drink from the bottle, gazing at the fire. Why is he so nervous? )
Oh, okay, hypocrite... but, uh, look, I... just brought the fruit and nuts, okay? So, like, if you're fishing for snacks, that's all I had. Honest. Nary a chip in my tent.
It's nice, though. Kinda... getting up late. Enjoying this while, like, everyone else is asleep.
down bad
Hm. [ A soft hum as he leans back on a gloved palm, trying to be subtle when he looks his friend over but a drunken gaze is a well-telegraphed one. He doesn't want to listen to the next songs alone. He wants to see Jonas sway to them, or point out his favorite parts before they come, or hum along. ]
Everyone wasn't asleep before you came over, I dunno where they went. I guess you scared 'em off. [ He lifts a hand between them, palm up, waiting expectantly. ]
If it's fruit and nuts, I guess I'll have to eat it. Next time I'll stock chips too so this doesn't happen again. Give.
simp...
Um, ( he adds quickly to the conversation to cover poorly for their joint flub, ) I-I guess so. They probably got sick of Total Eclipse of the Heart. Like, how, I don't know, but, uh... Who cares about them?
( Fruits and nuts in a plastic bag are dropped into Noctis' waiting hand. Then Jonas remembers that he's trying to flirt, and the drop turns into a hasty grab, pushing them back downβand more heavily this time, so that their fingers "accidentally" brush. )
There... Enjoy. ( While he mentally berates himself for not chugging the whole bottle of spiced liquor the moment he sat down.
His heart is pounding. )
Hey, uh... You'reβIt's been cool of you, listening to the playlist I made you, andβLook, it's a big deal, sometimes, wanting people to, um... to like what you like. So, thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying a lot of it. It's whatever, but that's important to me.
simper...
Ah... what's all that, all of a sudden? Usually you sound so confident when you give me your opinions...
[ He's unabashed in his love for music, for food, for all the joys of life that he'd almost lost. It's tragic.
It's cute. ]
I thought I was the self-conscious one. You're surprising me lately... [ That bag's done into without any further delay, predictably going right for the sweet dried fruit. ]
... what a weird week. [ COMEDICALLY SUDDEN, as he holds out a segment of dried tangerine for Jonas to take. ]
t'hy'la...
But with Noctis, it's all butterflies.
Two kinds of deep appreciation, both leading to the same conclusion: He wishes he could have his cake and eat it, too. Life's not like that, though. It's brief and unfair. Now there's a difficult choice waiting ahead of him, practicing its swing with a baseball bat.
Eyelids low, watching the dry logs on the fire burn evenly and only occasionally snap and crackle, he tightens his fingers around the liquor bottle. )
Sorry to shatter the illusion for you, hon, but the self-deprecating jokes have to come from somewhere. ( He smiles, waving away the bit of tangerine. ) It's cool, you have it. I just want to hear about the songs you liked best. Will you show me...?
gays...
Or... so he wants to tell himself.
Because sitting here, the bridge between thought and emotion thoroughly lubricated by half a bottle of spiced liquor, he wonders if it isn't wrong for him to now knowingly flirt with another friend's romantic interest. Realizing he liked Jonas after their last conversation wasn't difficult. Hell, realizing he liked him before that wasn't difficult, but every fantasy was laden with guilt and every daydream was cut off at the pass. Not so, now.
There's just a persistent thought of Cain, more distant now as they enjoy an evening of drink and good feeling together, but not gone either. ]
What, right now? You want me to put on music?
[ He hums an affirmative as he takes another bite, needlessly dusting off his hands on the blanket before fumbling for his datapad. His movements are sloppy but overthought, heart beating louder in his chest as he swipes sightlessly at first through a long playlist. ]
Oh... this one was good β "Don't Stop Me Now"? You know them all really well, right?