( When he barks at the datapad's receiver, it seems he's heard enough. ) Shh, shut up. Shut up!
YouβDo you know what? Do you know why assholes like us get a bad rep? It's because of this shit. These... These bullshit excuses for why, like... when someone fucks up, they can't be the one to make it better. Like, it's a coward's way out, and I hate it.
And you'reβIt'sβYou know exactly what happened, too, and God, it pisses me off so much that you'd pretend you don't. "He's not gonna talk to me," "I don't want to make it worse," okay, boo-fucking-hoo! Own your shit!
If he tells you to your Goddamn face he doesn't wanna talk to you again, then that's when you can fuck off, but until then, you better work. Because he's sitting around thinking he pushed you too hard, and now he'sβI'veβJesus!
( His breathing becomes hoarse when he neglects it to yell, and it doesn't help that he hasn't had a bottle of water in an hour or two. )
I'm... I'm so disappointed in you, I can barely think straight. Jesus Christ, Cain.
[He's silent to the scolding. He lets it run its course, raking across the raw surface of complicated feelings β and even when he wants to defend himself, or question why the hell Jonas would ever compare them as the same ("assholes like us"?), he doesn't do it. He never got the time with Abel that they needed for a conversation, so the least he can do is see this one with Jonas through to the end.]
... Yeah, I know. I'm a coward too.
[Isn't that why he's here, trying to talk to Jonas? But maybe dragging Jonas into it was a bad idea from the beginning β it's just that he can't seem to escape the natural gravity of all three of them together. He can't know Noctis without Jonas. He can't know Jonas without Noctis. It's a strange and pendulous momentum dragging him back and forth, an awareness of the other's presence even when they aren't actually there.]
I'llβ I'll try. I owe you. I can... see if he'll talk to me. [Cain scrubs his face again, unseen. His own words are rough but they keep steady.] If he gives me a chance, maybe Iβ I can still fix it.
[Another breath, like he's struggling with himself.]
( Jonas wishes he were there to grab him. Get a stranglehold on his collar and shake him. He suspects there's sense up there in his skull, but he needs to hear it clatter around to believe it.
But Cain's attitude weakens him. It shouldn't, he can't let it, he knows that, but they've spent so much time together. Kissing. Touching. In a far more tender way than Noctis was kissed and touched, and meaningfully, and God, it was fun.
Obviously, Cain's not the only one who needs to grow up; he's been ignoring reality for too long. )
God, Cain, just... be the guy you are when you're with me. Try it, and I know how Noctis will react, man. If you're sincere. If you mean it.
Don't make excuses. Don't fucking explain. Just apologize, then shut up and listen to what he has to say, even when it's hardβespecially when it's hard. You can do this; you just did it with me.
I... I never wanna have this conversation again, man. I-I can't, ( he clarifies, voice wavering only briefly until it's steeled again.
No nonsense. Only a very real promise: )
You two are the best friends I've ever had, but I can't do this again. I need to live better, and I can'tβI'mβI don't want to leave you, but if you don't start treating him better, I'llβ
[It's hard to hear Jonas sound like this and know that it's his fault. There's a cold rock of dread in his stomach that has only grown over the course of their conversation, aware this will change something irrevocably. Maybe that's for the best. Isn't that what he was trying to achieve during his fight against Noctis anyway?
But he doesn't want to hear the desperation in Jonas's words, in that confession β best friends. Cain doesn't feel like he belongs in such a position, but what little he's come to know of Jonas's circumstances... makes him believe Jonas means it.
I need to live better. Cain wants that to come true for him, no matter what it takes.]
Okay. I get it. It won't happen again.
[There's not much more left to say, but he doesn't feel right being the first one to end it. So β he just hangs there in that breathing silence.]
( There's nothing left to say. They've touched on everything they needed to. Though Jonas feels indescribably worked up about the entire ordeal, he's glad to get this particular conversation out of the way, since it's only going to be more difficult from here on in.
Cain lingers guiltily on the line, and Jonas waits. Maybe to test him. Maybe to try to calm down. )
... You can do it. Tell me you can do it, then hang up and prove it.
[He wonders if it would have been easier had Jonas been angry with him and refused to engage any further. If there was a quick severing between them, as it was with Abel, a decision certain enough to deny hope β because at least he'd know how to deal with that. He's been dealing with himself for a long time.
But when Jonas offers that chance, and more than that demands the proof of Cain's intent, there's a fragile moment he's not sure it will be possible. Maybe he should just hang up. Maybe he should write everything off and go back to the existence he's so accustomed, alone, surviving. If he destroys it with his own hands, he has someone to blame.
... And then he thinks about all of their conversations, all the tender attempts at companionship by Jonas. The glimpses of understanding by Noctis.
The two of them are worth it.]
Ya mogu eto sdelat'. [A quiet confession in Russian, as if he needs to hear it that way first. He doesn't believe in himself, but if Jonas does, then maybeβ] I can. I'll do it.
[There's a rough exhalation before the call cuts out.]
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no subject
YouβDo you know what? Do you know why assholes like us get a bad rep? It's because of this shit. These... These bullshit excuses for why, like... when someone fucks up, they can't be the one to make it better. Like, it's a coward's way out, and I hate it.
And you'reβIt'sβYou know exactly what happened, too, and God, it pisses me off so much that you'd pretend you don't. "He's not gonna talk to me," "I don't want to make it worse," okay, boo-fucking-hoo! Own your shit!
If he tells you to your Goddamn face he doesn't wanna talk to you again, then that's when you can fuck off, but until then, you better work. Because he's sitting around thinking he pushed you too hard, and now he'sβI'veβJesus!
( His breathing becomes hoarse when he neglects it to yell, and it doesn't help that he hasn't had a bottle of water in an hour or two. )
I'm... I'm so disappointed in you, I can barely think straight. Jesus Christ, Cain.
no subject
... Yeah, I know. I'm a coward too.
[Isn't that why he's here, trying to talk to Jonas? But maybe dragging Jonas into it was a bad idea from the beginning β it's just that he can't seem to escape the natural gravity of all three of them together. He can't know Noctis without Jonas. He can't know Jonas without Noctis. It's a strange and pendulous momentum dragging him back and forth, an awareness of the other's presence even when they aren't actually there.]
I'llβ I'll try. I owe you. I can... see if he'll talk to me. [Cain scrubs his face again, unseen. His own words are rough but they keep steady.] If he gives me a chance, maybe Iβ I can still fix it.
[Another breath, like he's struggling with himself.]
Let me try. Please.
1/2
But Cain's attitude weakens him. It shouldn't, he can't let it, he knows that, but they've spent so much time together. Kissing. Touching. In a far more tender way than Noctis was kissed and touched, and meaningfully, and God, it was fun.
Obviously, Cain's not the only one who needs to grow up; he's been ignoring reality for too long. )
God, Cain, just... be the guy you are when you're with me. Try it, and I know how Noctis will react, man. If you're sincere. If you mean it.
Don't make excuses. Don't fucking explain. Just apologize, then shut up and listen to what he has to say, even when it's hardβespecially when it's hard. You can do this; you just did it with me.
2/2
No nonsense. Only a very real promise: )
You two are the best friends I've ever had, but I can't do this again. I need to live better, and I can'tβI'mβI don't want to leave you, but if you don't start treating him better, I'llβ
no subject
But he doesn't want to hear the desperation in Jonas's words, in that confession β best friends. Cain doesn't feel like he belongs in such a position, but what little he's come to know of Jonas's circumstances... makes him believe Jonas means it.
I need to live better. Cain wants that to come true for him, no matter what it takes.]
Okay. I get it. It won't happen again.
[There's not much more left to say, but he doesn't feel right being the first one to end it. So β he just hangs there in that breathing silence.]
no subject
Cain lingers guiltily on the line, and Jonas waits. Maybe to test him. Maybe to try to calm down. )
... You can do it. Tell me you can do it, then hang up and prove it.
no subject
But when Jonas offers that chance, and more than that demands the proof of Cain's intent, there's a fragile moment he's not sure it will be possible. Maybe he should just hang up. Maybe he should write everything off and go back to the existence he's so accustomed, alone, surviving. If he destroys it with his own hands, he has someone to blame.
... And then he thinks about all of their conversations, all the tender attempts at companionship by Jonas. The glimpses of understanding by Noctis.
The two of them are worth it.]
Ya mogu eto sdelat'. [A quiet confession in Russian, as if he needs to hear it that way first. He doesn't believe in himself, but if Jonas does, then maybeβ] I can. I'll do it.
[There's a rough exhalation before the call cuts out.]