[ If he has any allergies, he should be allowed to just die from them.
At the next text, however, a distant figure can be seen looking down at his datapad, swaying ever-so-slightly, and then peering into the distance for far longer than should be necessary... before his arm lifts in a wave, revealing a generous strip of skin when his shirt rides up that would be a lot more interesting up close.
It appears too that he's found new clothes, currently dressed in dark wash denim, an expensive-looking white shirt, and a black ballcap out of which hair desperately tries to fan.
To add insult to injury he is also absolutely holding a bottle and clearly not in need of any drinks. ]
I see you! ( he calls out with a taller, more exaggerated wave, pocketing his phone with a smile. And both of them are too stupid to realize Jonas already previously established he can, in fact, see the friend he starts to jog to.
It's prudent to hurry, since Noctis seems like he's in a rush for his companyโsomething Jonas is entirely too aware ofโso he makes record time for the thirty feet he has to cross. Closing the distance between them, fully eyeballing the exposed swath of stomach with only a meagre attempt at hiding it, Jonas whistles. )
Wow, new clothes? You lookโThey're cool. ( Ahem.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he tries again: ) Hi-iii.
[ The bottle is lowered with a slosh of the amber liquid inside, upset again when Jonas reaches his side and he's pressing it to his chest without any warning or further hello. Once he's positive the alcohol is in competent, more deserving hands, Noctis is turning to gesture broadly at the campfire behind him. ]
Hah? Theseโ [ His hand then presses to his own chest, comedically over-emphasized. ]
Old, but new here, I guess. I got a couple things back a few days ago. I told you, right? [ no ]
Here, come on... I used the blanket to claim this spot for you. Prime, closest to the fire but out of the wind. [ He reaches out, fingers briefly catching on Jonas's sleeve before he allows pinched fabric to slip free, turning to lead him to that promised seat. It's an overturned segment of bone, too curved to find purpose as a table but perfect for keeping eager caravaners off the ground. ]
( The bottle is taken mindlessly into his hands, along with a lame bag of dried fruit and nuts, which he quickly tucks away. Whatever liquor Noctis has been drinking smells like a dish of his mother's potpurri, so better than Cain's taste in whiskey and vodka.
He takes a sip immediately until his sleeve is tugged, actually humming at the pleasantโdangerousโflavour. Explains why Noctis is feeling himself right now, smiling at him easily. God, he's sweet... maybe he ought to drink a little faster to catch up.
The bone is shockingly comfortable; he sat on another one like this the other night, but this one is scooped a little to cradle them together before the fire. )
Wow, that is great... I, uh... It's "our" spot, right? Like, you want some of the blanket, too? ( Phrases it with an "obviously" tone to inspire Noctis to sit beside him when he sinks down and flaps the blanket open. ) "Fire, man's great equalizer."
You know, I never really did this much as a kid. The whole... sitting by a campfire thing. Or camping in general.
Guess that makes this the powderkeg. [ He sits bonelessly, feeling that good, comfortable feeling of a weighted body and a weightless head, and the warmth of the fire lapping at his calves makes it even better. He never stood a chance against the blanket that waves in his peripheral, dragging his half immediately over his lap. ]
Why not? It seems like a perfect fit for you. No thinking... being lazy... snacks... [ Each word drones out of him as he casts a sly eye over at Jonas, amusement twinkling in blue eyes. ]
But his best friend is gay, so it's okay. Acceptable, even. Welcomeโespecially when he refers to themโthis moment, this relaxing sceneโas a powderkeg. It's not really helping the stiff situation he's been trying to will away, though.
And he smiles at him, handsomely conspiratorial. Noctis, with an orange glow to his skin, eyes blue but deeper in colour now, almost navy in low light. Noctis, with a shoulder and thigh against his, beneath the blanket beside him.
Jonas takes another heavy drink from the bottle, gazing at the fire. Why is he so nervous? )
Oh, okay, hypocrite... but, uh, look, I... just brought the fruit and nuts, okay? So, like, if you're fishing for snacks, that's all I had. Honest. Nary a chip in my tent.
It's nice, though. Kinda... getting up late. Enjoying this while, like, everyone else is asleep.
[ Noctis, momentarily unburdened by at least half of his usual self-doubt and social anxiety, simply nods in response to what he takes as praise. Yes, he did get the reference right, and it's a reference to a song and person Jonas likes. It feels good to share in his world and interests. ]
Hm. [ A soft hum as he leans back on a gloved palm, trying to be subtle when he looks his friend over but a drunken gaze is a well-telegraphed one. He doesn't want to listen to the next songs alone. He wants to see Jonas sway to them, or point out his favorite parts before they come, or hum along. ]
Everyone wasn't asleep before you came over, I dunno where they went. I guess you scared 'em off. [ He lifts a hand between them, palm up, waiting expectantly. ]
If it's fruit and nuts, I guess I'll have to eat it. Next time I'll stock chips too so this doesn't happen again. Give.
( The look isn't subtle at all. At the hum, Jonas glances at Noctis, which automatically connects them by sight. This is held for a moment too long, making sun-kissed cheeks become ruddy with the pleasant kind of embarrassment. )
Um, ( he adds quickly to the conversation to cover poorly for their joint flub, ) I-I guess so. They probably got sick of Total Eclipse of the Heart. Like, how, I don't know, but, uh... Who cares about them?
( Fruits and nuts in a plastic bag are dropped into Noctis' waiting hand. Then Jonas remembers that he's trying to flirt, and the drop turns into a hasty grab, pushing them back downโand more heavily this time, so that their fingers "accidentally" brush. )
There... Enjoy. ( While he mentally berates himself for not chugging the whole bottle of spiced liquor the moment he sat down.
His heart is pounding. )
Hey, uh... You'reโIt's been cool of you, listening to the playlist I made you, andโLook, it's a big deal, sometimes, wanting people to, um... to like what you like. So, thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying a lot of it. It's whatever, but that's important to me.
[ Fingerless gloves ensure that, even with his palms covered, he's able to feel every bit of that slide of fingertips against his own. He was certain that he was overheated already from the fire's influence but an electric spark of warmth assures him he's wrong. His head lolls to the side as he appraises his friend, cheeks dusted pink but for once he doesn't force himself to look away. ]
Ah... what's all that, all of a sudden? Usually you sound so confident when you give me your opinions...
[ He's unabashed in his love for music, for food, for all the joys of life that he'd almost lost. It's tragic.
It's cute. ]
I thought I was the self-conscious one. You're surprising me lately... [ That bag's done into without any further delay, predictably going right for the sweet dried fruit. ]
... what a weird week. [ COMEDICALLY SUDDEN, as he holds out a segment of dried tangerine for Jonas to take. ]
( It's his turn to keep his eyes down, feeling Noctis' still on him. How long has it been since he's sat next to a love interest and felt his stomach roll? He and Cain began to touch and kiss almost immediately, spurred on by adrenaline and the simple idea of being alive. He became so comfortable being in his own skin with Cain, clothed or naked, and he adores him for it.
But with Noctis, it's all butterflies.
Two kinds of deep appreciation, both leading to the same conclusion: He wishes he could have his cake and eat it, too. Life's not like that, though. It's brief and unfair. Now there's a difficult choice waiting ahead of him, practicing its swing with a baseball bat.
Eyelids low, watching the dry logs on the fire burn evenly and only occasionally snap and crackle, he tightens his fingers around the liquor bottle. )
Sorry to shatter the illusion for you, hon, but the self-deprecating jokes have to come from somewhere. ( He smiles, waving away the bit of tangerine. ) It's cool, you have it. I just want to hear about the songs you liked best. Will you show me...?
[ The piece of fruit is popped into his mouth the second Jonas refuses it, taking his time to savor what he's already decided is his favorite flavor. Offering him a choice piece was a special gift, and Jonas didn't have to accept it in order for him to feel proud of himself for being so selfless. He really is becoming a better friend.
Or... so he wants to tell himself.
Because sitting here, the bridge between thought and emotion thoroughly lubricated by half a bottle of spiced liquor, he wonders if it isn't wrong for him to now knowingly flirt with another friend's romantic interest. Realizing he liked Jonas after their last conversation wasn't difficult. Hell, realizing he liked him before that wasn't difficult, but every fantasy was laden with guilt and every daydream was cut off at the pass. Not so, now.
There's just a persistent thought of Cain, more distant now as they enjoy an evening of drink and good feeling together, but not gone either. ]
What, right now? You want me to put on music?
[ He hums an affirmative as he takes another bite, needlessly dusting off his hands on the blanket before fumbling for his datapad. His movements are sloppy but overthought, heart beating louder in his chest as he swipes sightlessly at first through a long playlist. ]
Oh... this one was good โ "Don't Stop Me Now"? You know them all really well, right?
Yeah, right now. What better time? If that old lady comes over to complain again, I'll knock her out. ( By very sweetly taking her back to bed and gently pushing a pillow over her face. Or jamming balled-up tissue in her ears.
By the time Noctis picks a song, Jonas' mood has elevated. Enough to lean in to peer at the choices he labours over until a seemingly perfectly manicured thumbโasshole, howโtaps "Don't Stop Me Now." )
Man, I should've known you'd like Queen. That's the name of the band, and the lead singer, Freddie Mercury, was like, a fucking legend. Gay guy, too. Represent. ( Throwing up a V for victory, Jonas casting that smile sidelong at Noctis.
References to a common orientation might help him with that awkward phase of accepting. Knowing that even the most celebrated Queen in Earth's history preferred the same sex. )
Toni-ight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time. I feel ali-i-i-iveโOh, and they performed that first song I sent you, remember? ( Cutting himself off to talk is a Jonas special, prodding back up on the datapad's playlist. ) Um, this one. "Bohemian Rhapsody." I mean, how could you forget?
Well, that's this guy. He had crazy pipes. And there's, like, so much more of their stuff I can send you.
[ Noctis employs a good-natured snort and that single word to communicate to Jonas exactly what he thinks of him trying to in any way physically abuse the elderly, certain that the boy next to him must be one of the kindest people he's met and therefore utterly incapable of such cruelty. That's special, isn't it? Not the low bar he's set for his friend's kindness, but the wealth of it in general. Jonas has been tested by life in some of the worst ways but he's still here, carving out time to devote to Noctis's journey. ]
Ahh... [ Eyes drift down to the datapad as he pretends to focus in on song titles and not his friend's fingers, huffing out a held breath. ]
Yeah... no, I remember. How'd you know? That he's gay.
He just told everybody? [ Before he can bring himself to prompt Jonas to sing more, too interested in what a life like that looks like for someone on Earth to rush past it. ]
Yes and no? He was just... The guy lived. Like, he was shy and pretty introverted usually, but when on stage and performing, he was flamboyant, and just, like, this huge, loud presence. People kept guessing, and he just let them.
And, so, like, some people thought he was bisexual, into guys and girlsโlike me. ( Fair's fair in Jonas' world; he tells Noctis as proudly as he can, which includes bowing his head and placing a hand showily on his chest to indicate himself. ) Others thought he was gay. I don't know the full, like... full breakdown, but it was basically fifty-fifty. Like, some people said he was closetedโthat's just, like, he didn't "come out" or whatever, like it's slang for not coming outโand others said he was pretty open about it.
( Aware he's rambling, he pauses briefly to take another deep swig of spiced liquor, finding himself enjoying the flavour more and more. It's aromatic, rich, and lingers on the tongue. )
And honestly, that's the way it should always be. It was nobody's business but his own, and whoever he wanted to be with at the time. You know?
Humans... Sexuality is fluid. That'sโPeople at my old school would say that, especially the girls, 'cause they're, like, usually way more in tune with this stuff than guys are. Who you like can shift and change, and it doesn't need to be this, like, iron-clad thing. And some people never figure it out, and that's cool, too. If they're okay with just vibing, I mean.
[ He expects a simple answer, but that isn't in keeping with who Jonas is.
Not because he's incapable of it, or even because of his tendency to ramble. But because Jonas is caring, thoughtful, and observant. He knows what his friend has struggled with because he's sat with him through it, and he must know that just because Noctis has managed to accept something for himself doesn't in any way mean he knows how to maintain that acceptance. Or worse, to know how to interact with the rest of the world bearing it in mind.
There's a feeling that he was supposed to change somehow, overnight, and he carries as much discomfort with the fact that he hadn't as he would've felt if he had. But listening to Jonas talk shepherds his doubts elsewhere, at least for now. He can change everything, if he wants to, or he can change nothing. Both answers are okay if he's just here, alone, living for himself. ]
... yeah, I think you did.
[ Maybe it's the mood. Maybe it's the alcohol, or the color in Jonas's face, or how kind he's being. But right now, there's just one thing he wants to change.
For such a skilled fighter there's very little grace in the way his hand suddenly covers his friend's, heart beating a drumbeat in his ears when he gives into a beautiful brunet's gravitational pull. There's even less elegance in the way he leans forward, all at once, to press a kiss suddenly and with a little too much pressure against Jonas's cheek.
He lingers only a second or two, but when he does pull back he doesn't retreat more than a few inches, emboldened by his own action. ]
( Lips press into his cheek hard, which forms a crease at the corner of his mouth. It even tilts his head an inch to the side, and Jonas has to provide a counterweight to keep them from tipping into a confused pile by the fire.
The kiss isn't unexpected, not after their intimate discussion and the warm ways in which Noctis greeted him over the phone and now in person, but the time and date don't sync up with what he had planned. Someday, somewhen, after ensuring Noctis was more comfortable in his own skin, he'd consider something chaste. Something gentle and curious, unlike the hasty and delightful mess of his electrifying kisses with Cain.
But you never can underestimate Noctis. His friend has a way of defying conventionsโdespite having understandable anxieties about the many, many methods of execution.
Stunned into a momentary silence, Jonas can only turn his hand in Noctis' to grip his fingers more tightly, too caught up in looking at him to voice his appreciation. Searching for an answer, he finds it in the gaze he's always wanted to be focused on him. This isn't an experimental thing for Noctis. Jonas' bisexuality isn't being used as a test to gauge how one orientation can temporarily replace another. Noctis has feelings for him, and they're as real as his are for Noctis and Cain.
Once kissing Noctis back becomes a stronger desire than admiring such a significant step forward, hazel eyes drop to the beautiful curve of a pale, waiting mouth. And in releasing a quavering breath of wonderment, he raises his face to close the small gap between them with a brush of lips across a chilled pair. )
[ Normally, he would at least spare a thought for their surroundings, public as they still are despite their abandonment by the other caravaners. Now it feels impossible to care. His mind is absorbed entirely by Jonas, and any remaining, niggling concerns are blanketed by the crackling of a fire and the sound of music still playing from his datapad. Muffled, now, since it's fallen into the dusting of sand at their feet along with the bag of snack food when he angles his body closer to Jonas's.
A mouth over his sends a jolt through his body; he thought it might now feel familiar, but it's completely different, heat building in his already flushed cheeks. Is this what love is? He'd asked himself that the other night in the tent, and concluded it was. Then... this must be too, just another form of it, and if he weren't so consumed by a desire to experience and enjoy this feeling it might bring him to tears.
An elbow braces against that sloping cut of bone as he leans closer, fingers finding a grip that's at first tentative but quickly firms over the crook of Jonas's arm. The brush is too short and he's eager to push forward for another, slow and exploratory when he kisses a plush lower lip. His own part, then, for a soft exhale as he pulls back an inch to search Jonas's eyes for any hesitation.
Seeing none, he leans in again for another firmer, more confident seal of his mouth to a warm, inviting one. ]
( Goosebumps rise beneath the hand on his arm, spreading higher along his shoulder. When they hit the back of his neck, feeling them raise fine follicles along his hairline, he's willing to admit that he's wanted this for a while now. Kissing Noctis doesn't just feel good; it feels right. It feels like a promise that's being branded against his mouth as it opens against Noctis' to deepen what they started.
The soft exhale might as well be his name for how closely he listens for it, and when Noctis connects them again, a warm, dry hand comes to rest on his cheek. They're gathered together, then, chest to chest, finding the angle that's comfortable between them. Committing to the second is easy. Directing it is easier. He tastes spiced liquor and dried fruit. His thumb skims a high cheekbone and the shell of a soft ear, seeking feathery black hair. It's as touchable as he suspected it'd be; he's spent a few late nights now gazing up at the alien nightscape from the skylight in his tent, finding it impossible not to think about them.
( His lips curve into a smile, but his eyes close as tightly as his eyebrows knit.
He knows he must urge this sweet, sweet boy back with a gentler, distancing smear of a red, tender mouth. It hurts as much as resisting the pleasure pooling in his gut, denying his own stubborn stiffy by kneading into the muscle of Noctis' neck to ease away. )
Hey... I like you. I like this. ( Saying it again is easiest, though he wondered and wondered how different it'd feel in the light of day, with no grief colouring it blue.
Pink in the face, breathing unevenly, Jonas takes care that he squeezes the hand in his, too. This should be done delicately, especially when it'sโto his knowledgeโNoctis' first wholly reciprocated intimate interaction. Usually, he's not so mature, and probably wouldn't be if his best friend were sober, nor would he have behaved himself if he were drunk with him. But that's not how tonight will go. )
It's just... You've had a little too much to drink.
[ Jonas pulls him closer and it's as good as a confession of reciprocated feelings, offered back to him exactly the same way he pledged his own. The physical touch makes him feel warm, not just excited but secure here with him, sure that a scary decision was the right one. That he trusted the right person with his feelings.
Jonas pulls back and he leans in, stopping so close to lips that he wants to taste again that he can feel the breath from his words.
And at first, he doesn't register their meaning. ]
"Too much"...? [ It sounds like a joke. Is it a joke? When it's so obvious how they both feel, and when he's finally mustered the courage to act on it. Fingers lace more tightly with Jonas's, thumb massaging into the back of his hand. ]
I'm good, Jonas. Unless... if you're telling me you wanna' stop so you can catch up to me, I mean...
Noctis is so devastatingly beautiful that it makes Jonas dizzy with a strong heart flutter. He has angular features, but each has a softness to them that heโa simple boy with simple needsโimagines kissing would be too enjoyable to stop. Now that he has stopped, he has to stay firm on his decision.
Even when gazed at so closely by unfocused blue eyes.
Even when the challenge Noctis issues makes him want to laugh and smear his mouth down the length of his neck. )
I know you're good. I know, I just... ( Instead, his touch diverts from playing with dark hair that falls well past Noctis's ears to rest along his shoulder. ) I don't want to take advantage. I feel like I am, and I...
God, I want to kiss you all night, ( Jonas groans, looking down at their entwined fingers before squeezing his eyes shut again. ) Please go easy on me; the angel and devil on my shoulders are in an all-out brawl right now, like... You have no idea.
Edited (i hated what i wrote) 2026-01-20 00:41 (UTC)
[ That first night they shared a tent, he's certain he could've comforted both of them by also sharing Jonas's cot. Just to hold him, just to stay close. Now he feels like such a fool for having given up his opportunity. Even knowing that his own drunkenness is temporary and he won't have robbed himself of his chances once he sobers up in the morning, it's hard to accept that now. When this moment is perfect. When songs shift from one to another, and Electric Feel begins in earnest. ]
... okay. [ Finally, though his voice is soft and that faint smile refuses to fade in the wake of Jonas's sound of frustration. ]
I totally don't have to, though, so you owe me later. I just don't want you having regrets after or something.
[ Slowly he eases back even if his hand refuses to give up its prize just yet, allowing again for a comfortable distance between them. His lips are tingling, still imagining the feel of Jonas's pressed to them, and he wonders how he'll get to sleep tonight. ]
... not saying it to change your mind or anything... but you know I felt like that about you before tonight, right?
( He's peeking at Noctis sidelong when Electric Feels bassline kicks up, synthesizer effectively causing a change in mood. From something tender and understanding to a more high-energy flirting. )
Yeah, I had an inkling. I mean... our last couple of talks were intense. I know I was definitely feeling it then.
( He's got a similar smile stamped on that's seeming permanent tonight, even if he briefly tries to bite the corner of his lower lip to get rid of it. It's their hands and the distance Noctis thinks he needs.
Jonas is quick to bring him back against his side, wanting his warmth. It's harmless to slide his arm between Noctis' back and their dramatic bench to continue embracing him. )
I've got a lot of thinking to do, Noct, but... You can ask me for anything you want later. I don't think I'll have to remind you to cash in on that, but... I will anyway. ( If only to reiterate how strong his feelings are, that Noctis is a choice he's actively making and he intends to stay true to it.
This golden moment can't be tarnished too severely by the guilt he feels for not discussing this with Cain, but he feels better having stopped it from getting too far too quickly. Now he just has to find the time... and he wonders why the idea of it disappoints him so much.
His head's a mess, and the vibes of a song he hasn't heard in too long aren't helping. )
[ In any other circumstance a need to do "a lot of thinking" would set his teeth on edge, consumed as he so often is by his own hyper-analysis even if he's never been particularly good at it. Social anxiety tells him to question, but a pure appreciation for this moment fights back.
With Jonas's arm sliding behind him, such a simple gesture that's always felt so far away and impossible that it's laughable, it's easy for one to win out. His smile stays small because it's genuine, experiencing a pure feeling of contentment that he hasn't since... since when? Before he left Insomnia. Before he started high school. Before he moved out of the Citadel, arguing as he was with his father. ]
Yeah.
Actually... I feel good right now.
[ His heavy head tilts when he's urged against Jonas's side, cheek coming to rest against his shoulder with eyes fixed on that fire. They lower after a few moments, concentrated on still intertwined fingers that come to rest overtop their legs. ]
( Having his shoulder used as a pillow by Noctis makes Jonas want to jump his bones. The swell of aggression only tightens his fingers around their connection, pinning hands in place over his knee, not causing any harm. If he could, though, he'd take his friend down into the sand and kiss the shit out of him.
He sighs a little, eyes slipping shut to simply indulge in how sweet this is. How precious it makes him feel. How unsynchronized his hard-on is right now. )
Yeah, I'm okay.
( Shyly, he adds: ) You've got really soft hair. And, uh... lips. You're, like, beautiful. In a handsome way, I mean. Like, uh... Like a model or something.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Wow I want chips
[ If he has any allergies, he should be allowed to just die from them.
At the next text, however, a distant figure can be seen looking down at his datapad, swaying ever-so-slightly, and then peering into the distance for far longer than should be necessary... before his arm lifts in a wave, revealing a generous strip of skin when his shirt rides up that would be a lot more interesting up close.
It appears too that he's found new clothes, currently dressed in dark wash denim, an expensive-looking white shirt, and a black ballcap out of which hair desperately tries to fan.
To add insult to injury he is also absolutely holding a bottle and clearly not in need of any drinks. ]
Hey! Lol
Cool I see you too, you see me?
no subject
It's prudent to hurry, since Noctis seems like he's in a rush for his companyโsomething Jonas is entirely too aware ofโso he makes record time for the thirty feet he has to cross. Closing the distance between them, fully eyeballing the exposed swath of stomach with only a meagre attempt at hiding it, Jonas whistles. )
Wow, new clothes? You lookโThey're cool. ( Ahem.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he tries again: ) Hi-iii.
no subject
Hah? Theseโ [ His hand then presses to his own chest, comedically over-emphasized. ]
Old, but new here, I guess. I got a couple things back a few days ago. I told you, right? [ no ]
Here, come on... I used the blanket to claim this spot for you. Prime, closest to the fire but out of the wind. [ He reaches out, fingers briefly catching on Jonas's sleeve before he allows pinched fabric to slip free, turning to lead him to that promised seat. It's an overturned segment of bone, too curved to find purpose as a table but perfect for keeping eager caravaners off the ground. ]
no subject
He takes a sip immediately until his sleeve is tugged, actually humming at the pleasantโdangerousโflavour. Explains why Noctis is feeling himself right now, smiling at him easily. God, he's sweet... maybe he ought to drink a little faster to catch up.
The bone is shockingly comfortable; he sat on another one like this the other night, but this one is scooped a little to cradle them together before the fire. )
Wow, that is great... I, uh... It's "our" spot, right? Like, you want some of the blanket, too? ( Phrases it with an "obviously" tone to inspire Noctis to sit beside him when he sinks down and flaps the blanket open. ) "Fire, man's great equalizer."
You know, I never really did this much as a kid. The whole... sitting by a campfire thing. Or camping in general.
no subject
Guess that makes this the powderkeg. [ He sits bonelessly, feeling that good, comfortable feeling of a weighted body and a weightless head, and the warmth of the fire lapping at his calves makes it even better. He never stood a chance against the blanket that waves in his peripheral, dragging his half immediately over his lap. ]
Why not? It seems like a perfect fit for you. No thinking... being lazy... snacks... [ Each word drones out of him as he casts a sly eye over at Jonas, amusement twinkling in blue eyes. ]
no subject
( They're... They're gay references.
But his best friend is gay, so it's okay. Acceptable, even. Welcomeโespecially when he refers to themโthis moment, this relaxing sceneโas a powderkeg. It's not really helping the stiff situation he's been trying to will away, though.
And he smiles at him, handsomely conspiratorial. Noctis, with an orange glow to his skin, eyes blue but deeper in colour now, almost navy in low light. Noctis, with a shoulder and thigh against his, beneath the blanket beside him.
Jonas takes another heavy drink from the bottle, gazing at the fire. Why is he so nervous? )
Oh, okay, hypocrite... but, uh, look, I... just brought the fruit and nuts, okay? So, like, if you're fishing for snacks, that's all I had. Honest. Nary a chip in my tent.
It's nice, though. Kinda... getting up late. Enjoying this while, like, everyone else is asleep.
down bad
Hm. [ A soft hum as he leans back on a gloved palm, trying to be subtle when he looks his friend over but a drunken gaze is a well-telegraphed one. He doesn't want to listen to the next songs alone. He wants to see Jonas sway to them, or point out his favorite parts before they come, or hum along. ]
Everyone wasn't asleep before you came over, I dunno where they went. I guess you scared 'em off. [ He lifts a hand between them, palm up, waiting expectantly. ]
If it's fruit and nuts, I guess I'll have to eat it. Next time I'll stock chips too so this doesn't happen again. Give.
simp...
Um, ( he adds quickly to the conversation to cover poorly for their joint flub, ) I-I guess so. They probably got sick of Total Eclipse of the Heart. Like, how, I don't know, but, uh... Who cares about them?
( Fruits and nuts in a plastic bag are dropped into Noctis' waiting hand. Then Jonas remembers that he's trying to flirt, and the drop turns into a hasty grab, pushing them back downโand more heavily this time, so that their fingers "accidentally" brush. )
There... Enjoy. ( While he mentally berates himself for not chugging the whole bottle of spiced liquor the moment he sat down.
His heart is pounding. )
Hey, uh... You'reโIt's been cool of you, listening to the playlist I made you, andโLook, it's a big deal, sometimes, wanting people to, um... to like what you like. So, thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying a lot of it. It's whatever, but that's important to me.
simper...
Ah... what's all that, all of a sudden? Usually you sound so confident when you give me your opinions...
[ He's unabashed in his love for music, for food, for all the joys of life that he'd almost lost. It's tragic.
It's cute. ]
I thought I was the self-conscious one. You're surprising me lately... [ That bag's done into without any further delay, predictably going right for the sweet dried fruit. ]
... what a weird week. [ COMEDICALLY SUDDEN, as he holds out a segment of dried tangerine for Jonas to take. ]
t'hy'la...
But with Noctis, it's all butterflies.
Two kinds of deep appreciation, both leading to the same conclusion: He wishes he could have his cake and eat it, too. Life's not like that, though. It's brief and unfair. Now there's a difficult choice waiting ahead of him, practicing its swing with a baseball bat.
Eyelids low, watching the dry logs on the fire burn evenly and only occasionally snap and crackle, he tightens his fingers around the liquor bottle. )
Sorry to shatter the illusion for you, hon, but the self-deprecating jokes have to come from somewhere. ( He smiles, waving away the bit of tangerine. ) It's cool, you have it. I just want to hear about the songs you liked best. Will you show me...?
gays...
Or... so he wants to tell himself.
Because sitting here, the bridge between thought and emotion thoroughly lubricated by half a bottle of spiced liquor, he wonders if it isn't wrong for him to now knowingly flirt with another friend's romantic interest. Realizing he liked Jonas after their last conversation wasn't difficult. Hell, realizing he liked him before that wasn't difficult, but every fantasy was laden with guilt and every daydream was cut off at the pass. Not so, now.
There's just a persistent thought of Cain, more distant now as they enjoy an evening of drink and good feeling together, but not gone either. ]
What, right now? You want me to put on music?
[ He hums an affirmative as he takes another bite, needlessly dusting off his hands on the blanket before fumbling for his datapad. His movements are sloppy but overthought, heart beating louder in his chest as he swipes sightlessly at first through a long playlist. ]
Oh... this one was good โ "Don't Stop Me Now"? You know them all really well, right?
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By the time Noctis picks a song, Jonas' mood has elevated. Enough to lean in to peer at the choices he labours over until a seemingly perfectly manicured thumbโasshole, howโtaps "Don't Stop Me Now." )
Man, I should've known you'd like Queen. That's the name of the band, and the lead singer, Freddie Mercury, was like, a fucking legend. Gay guy, too. Represent. ( Throwing up a V for victory, Jonas casting that smile sidelong at Noctis.
References to a common orientation might help him with that awkward phase of accepting. Knowing that even the most celebrated Queen in Earth's history preferred the same sex. )
Toni-ight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time. I feel ali-i-i-iveโOh, and they performed that first song I sent you, remember? ( Cutting himself off to talk is a Jonas special, prodding back up on the datapad's playlist. ) Um, this one. "Bohemian Rhapsody." I mean, how could you forget?
Well, that's this guy. He had crazy pipes. And there's, like, so much more of their stuff I can send you.
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[ Noctis employs a good-natured snort and that single word to communicate to Jonas exactly what he thinks of him trying to in any way physically abuse the elderly, certain that the boy next to him must be one of the kindest people he's met and therefore utterly incapable of such cruelty. That's special, isn't it? Not the low bar he's set for his friend's kindness, but the wealth of it in general. Jonas has been tested by life in some of the worst ways but he's still here, carving out time to devote to Noctis's journey. ]
Ahh... [ Eyes drift down to the datapad as he pretends to focus in on song titles and not his friend's fingers, huffing out a held breath. ]
Yeah... no, I remember. How'd you know? That he's gay.
He just told everybody? [ Before he can bring himself to prompt Jonas to sing more, too interested in what a life like that looks like for someone on Earth to rush past it. ]
tl;dr freddie mercuryโค๏ธ
And, so, like, some people thought he was bisexual, into guys and girlsโlike me. ( Fair's fair in Jonas' world; he tells Noctis as proudly as he can, which includes bowing his head and placing a hand showily on his chest to indicate himself. ) Others thought he was gay. I don't know the full, like... full breakdown, but it was basically fifty-fifty. Like, some people said he was closetedโthat's just, like, he didn't "come out" or whatever, like it's slang for not coming outโand others said he was pretty open about it.
( Aware he's rambling, he pauses briefly to take another deep swig of spiced liquor, finding himself enjoying the flavour more and more. It's aromatic, rich, and lingers on the tongue. )
And honestly, that's the way it should always be. It was nobody's business but his own, and whoever he wanted to be with at the time. You know?
Humans... Sexuality is fluid. That'sโPeople at my old school would say that, especially the girls, 'cause they're, like, usually way more in tune with this stuff than guys are. Who you like can shift and change, and it doesn't need to be this, like, iron-clad thing. And some people never figure it out, and that's cool, too. If they're okay with just vibing, I mean.
... Anyway... Yeah.
( ... )
Did I even answer your question?
covers face
Not because he's incapable of it, or even because of his tendency to ramble. But because Jonas is caring, thoughtful, and observant. He knows what his friend has struggled with because he's sat with him through it, and he must know that just because Noctis has managed to accept something for himself doesn't in any way mean he knows how to maintain that acceptance. Or worse, to know how to interact with the rest of the world bearing it in mind.
There's a feeling that he was supposed to change somehow, overnight, and he carries as much discomfort with the fact that he hadn't as he would've felt if he had. But listening to Jonas talk shepherds his doubts elsewhere, at least for now. He can change everything, if he wants to, or he can change nothing. Both answers are okay if he's just here, alone, living for himself. ]
... yeah, I think you did.
[ Maybe it's the mood. Maybe it's the alcohol, or the color in Jonas's face, or how kind he's being. But right now, there's just one thing he wants to change.
For such a skilled fighter there's very little grace in the way his hand suddenly covers his friend's, heart beating a drumbeat in his ears when he gives into a beautiful brunet's gravitational pull. There's even less elegance in the way he leans forward, all at once, to press a kiss suddenly and with a little too much pressure against Jonas's cheek.
He lingers only a second or two, but when he does pull back he doesn't retreat more than a few inches, emboldened by his own action. ]
roasts alive
The kiss isn't unexpected, not after their intimate discussion and the warm ways in which Noctis greeted him over the phone and now in person, but the time and date don't sync up with what he had planned. Someday, somewhen, after ensuring Noctis was more comfortable in his own skin, he'd consider something chaste. Something gentle and curious, unlike the hasty and delightful mess of his electrifying kisses with Cain.
But you never can underestimate Noctis. His friend has a way of defying conventionsโdespite having understandable anxieties about the many, many methods of execution.
Stunned into a momentary silence, Jonas can only turn his hand in Noctis' to grip his fingers more tightly, too caught up in looking at him to voice his appreciation. Searching for an answer, he finds it in the gaze he's always wanted to be focused on him. This isn't an experimental thing for Noctis. Jonas' bisexuality isn't being used as a test to gauge how one orientation can temporarily replace another. Noctis has feelings for him, and they're as real as his are for Noctis and Cain.
Once kissing Noctis back becomes a stronger desire than admiring such a significant step forward, hazel eyes drop to the beautiful curve of a pale, waiting mouth. And in releasing a quavering breath of wonderment, he raises his face to close the small gap between them with a brush of lips across a chilled pair. )
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A mouth over his sends a jolt through his body; he thought it might now feel familiar, but it's completely different, heat building in his already flushed cheeks. Is this what love is? He'd asked himself that the other night in the tent, and concluded it was. Then... this must be too, just another form of it, and if he weren't so consumed by a desire to experience and enjoy this feeling it might bring him to tears.
An elbow braces against that sloping cut of bone as he leans closer, fingers finding a grip that's at first tentative but quickly firms over the crook of Jonas's arm. The brush is too short and he's eager to push forward for another, slow and exploratory when he kisses a plush lower lip. His own part, then, for a soft exhale as he pulls back an inch to search Jonas's eyes for any hesitation.
Seeing none, he leans in again for another firmer, more confident seal of his mouth to a warm, inviting one. ]
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The soft exhale might as well be his name for how closely he listens for it, and when Noctis connects them again, a warm, dry hand comes to rest on his cheek. They're gathered together, then, chest to chest, finding the angle that's comfortable between them. Committing to the second is easy. Directing it is easier. He tastes spiced liquor and dried fruit. His thumb skims a high cheekbone and the shell of a soft ear, seeking feathery black hair. It's as touchable as he suspected it'd be; he's spent a few late nights now gazing up at the alien nightscape from the skylight in his tent, finding it impossible not to think about them.
Noctis. Cain. )
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He knows he must urge this sweet, sweet boy back with a gentler, distancing smear of a red, tender mouth. It hurts as much as resisting the pleasure pooling in his gut, denying his own stubborn stiffy by kneading into the muscle of Noctis' neck to ease away. )
Hey... I like you. I like this. ( Saying it again is easiest, though he wondered and wondered how different it'd feel in the light of day, with no grief colouring it blue.
Pink in the face, breathing unevenly, Jonas takes care that he squeezes the hand in his, too. This should be done delicately, especially when it'sโto his knowledgeโNoctis' first wholly reciprocated intimate interaction. Usually, he's not so mature, and probably wouldn't be if his best friend were sober, nor would he have behaved himself if he were drunk with him. But that's not how tonight will go. )
It's just... You've had a little too much to drink.
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Jonas pulls back and he leans in, stopping so close to lips that he wants to taste again that he can feel the breath from his words.
And at first, he doesn't register their meaning. ]
"Too much"...? [ It sounds like a joke. Is it a joke? When it's so obvious how they both feel, and when he's finally mustered the courage to act on it. Fingers lace more tightly with Jonas's, thumb massaging into the back of his hand. ]
I'm good, Jonas. Unless... if you're telling me you wanna' stop so you can catch up to me, I mean...
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Noctis is so devastatingly beautiful that it makes Jonas dizzy with a strong heart flutter. He has angular features, but each has a softness to them that heโa simple boy with simple needsโimagines kissing would be too enjoyable to stop. Now that he has stopped, he has to stay firm on his decision.
Even when gazed at so closely by unfocused blue eyes.
Even when the challenge Noctis issues makes him want to laugh and smear his mouth down the length of his neck. )
I know you're good. I know, I just... ( Instead, his touch diverts from playing with dark hair that falls well past Noctis's ears to rest along his shoulder. ) I don't want to take advantage. I feel like I am, and I...
God, I want to kiss you all night, ( Jonas groans, looking down at their entwined fingers before squeezing his eyes shut again. ) Please go easy on me; the angel and devil on my shoulders are in an all-out brawl right now, like... You have no idea.
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... okay. [ Finally, though his voice is soft and that faint smile refuses to fade in the wake of Jonas's sound of frustration. ]
I totally don't have to, though, so you owe me later. I just don't want you having regrets after or something.
[ Slowly he eases back even if his hand refuses to give up its prize just yet, allowing again for a comfortable distance between them. His lips are tingling, still imagining the feel of Jonas's pressed to them, and he wonders how he'll get to sleep tonight. ]
... not saying it to change your mind or anything... but you know I felt like that about you before tonight, right?
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Yeah, I had an inkling. I mean... our last couple of talks were intense. I know I was definitely feeling it then.
( He's got a similar smile stamped on that's seeming permanent tonight, even if he briefly tries to bite the corner of his lower lip to get rid of it. It's their hands and the distance Noctis thinks he needs.
Jonas is quick to bring him back against his side, wanting his warmth. It's harmless to slide his arm between Noctis' back and their dramatic bench to continue embracing him. )
I've got a lot of thinking to do, Noct, but... You can ask me for anything you want later. I don't think I'll have to remind you to cash in on that, but... I will anyway. ( If only to reiterate how strong his feelings are, that Noctis is a choice he's actively making and he intends to stay true to it.
This golden moment can't be tarnished too severely by the guilt he feels for not discussing this with Cain, but he feels better having stopped it from getting too far too quickly. Now he just has to find the time... and he wonders why the idea of it disappoints him so much.
His head's a mess, and the vibes of a song he hasn't heard in too long aren't helping. )
Are you okay?
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With Jonas's arm sliding behind him, such a simple gesture that's always felt so far away and impossible that it's laughable, it's easy for one to win out. His smile stays small because it's genuine, experiencing a pure feeling of contentment that he hasn't since... since when? Before he left Insomnia. Before he started high school. Before he moved out of the Citadel, arguing as he was with his father. ]
Yeah.
Actually... I feel good right now.
[ His heavy head tilts when he's urged against Jonas's side, cheek coming to rest against his shoulder with eyes fixed on that fire. They lower after a few moments, concentrated on still intertwined fingers that come to rest overtop their legs. ]
Are you okay?
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He sighs a little, eyes slipping shut to simply indulge in how sweet this is. How precious it makes him feel. How unsynchronized his hard-on is right now. )
Yeah, I'm okay.
( Shyly, he adds: ) You've got really soft hair. And, uh... lips. You're, like, beautiful. In a handsome way, I mean. Like, uh... Like a model or something.
( ... )
It's really too bad you're a giant nerd...
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