[So Jonas is officially drawing the line between them. It hurts, even if it was already said before, if less clearly.
Why do those words on the screen blur when he looks at them? Cain realizes his eyes have teared up, which makes him grimace, pinching the wetness away before it can build any further.]
how do you say these things to people? how can i even believe them?
My mom taught me how And idk I just want to be like her if I can Gentle or whatever
I took a lot of the things I had for granted I let the things I didn't have make me bitter I don't want you to wake up one day thinking "shit I regret not trying again" just bc you think you're a piece of shit If you can't trust you then trust somebody who thinks you're great
[His mom. Cain wants to ask more β but is it really the right time, the right conversation? Not when he feels like this, crushing pressure in his chest and a lingering sense of loss.]
you're pretty incredible yourself you know that? i don't think i ever said it
( It's all exactly what he wanted to hear for so long, and from anyone.
Calling him incredible... Saying he's lucky to have met him... Cain isn't helping the rising feeling in his chest. He knows what it isβan urgency to see himβbut how inappropriate would that be right now? When Noctis is relying on him to wait, and in a way, so is Cain.
He presses the back of his hand to his face, wiping at hot tears.
[Seeing Jonas express that in words, he wonders wildly β why can't he just go see him? Don't they both want it? Then there should be nothing wrong with acting on this mutual desire to find each other, to take Jonas into his arms and say all the things he's held back up to this point.
But he knows why he can't. It isn't even that he sees Noctis as an obstacle, because that would be diminishing the impact Noctis has had on both of them.
Remembering their last conversation, Cain makes an effort. He doesn't want to stop talking to Jonas.]
yeah i know i feel the same
hey, can you tell me about your mom? if you want to
( Jonas notices. He wouldn't have, maybe, if it'd been any other subject. His school days, his superficial friendships, his keen interest in theft. Even his dad, or the other more distant family members.
The fact that Cain asks about his mom changes something.
If Cain wants to get to know her, then he's more than allowed to get to know her son. )
The ring on my necklace is hers Dad gave it to me when I got out of juvie She was always saying she'd give it to me when she passed away anyway but it doesn't fit any of my fingers so lol idk it's the most special thing I own
She was the best you would've really loved her Everyone did She was just kind Like actually kind That super rare kind where you just always wanted to be near her
Nobody's ever really been in my corner but her so like To hear that you guys help to keep me safe and stuff especially after I went through smth awful would really mean a lot to her
[The ring on a necklace. So cherished and special, it makes Cain want to see it, to admire it around Jonas' throat. But maybe he's missed that chance for good.
He can still hear about it, and imagine what kind of person Jonas' mother was.]
wish i could've met her. and i'm sorry that she's gone. what was her name again? noctis mentioned it once, but
Thank you Really Her name was Suzanna but she went by Suze Or she wanted everyone to call her Suze bc it was "shorter and cuter" and didn't make her sound 80 And she preferred to be 2nd when it came to "Ben and Suze" not "Suze and Ben" bc someone thought her name was Susan Ben once idk she was such a weirdo
I don't think I ever asked if you had siblings or anything and I'm sorry about that Should've been a little more thorough lol What was her name? What was she like?
[The level of detail Jonas gives about his mom is... sweet, in a way he's not expecting. He should've, because Jonas is sweet, and he's been paying attention even when it looked like he wasn't. He just didn't give Jonas a lot of chances to show it, maybe. Or they were too busy doing something else (each other).]
you know, you're a weirdo too maybe that's where you got it from
don't apologize, pretty sure it's my fault that's what noctis chewed me out about by the way that i never ask you stuff. and i mean, he's right. that's how i was trying to keep it chill between us so we could have fun, and i wouldn't start getting... the strings [is that what they're calling "feelings" now, bro to bro] it scared me
i didn't think i'd get so fucked up when i imagined you and noctis together
( Cain says something so heartfelt about trying, resisting strings, failing, being frightenedβessentially confessing to having romantic feelings for him. It brings colour to Jonas' cheeks, tears to his eyes, and fills him with a confusion he doesn't know how to express.
Then he follows it up with the most Cain-like interaction of all time. Mila, the mystery sister, is "cool." Great. He knows so much more than he did.
Jonas can't help but laugh at the entire situation, a little thing he turns his head to choke off against his shoulder. What a fucking idiot. )
I love you too dumbass It's whatever, we can figure this whole headache out later Either way you guys are gonna be my best friends okay? Nothing's gonna change about that
Just Tell me about Mila Like stream of consciousness, whatever comes up first Did she pass away?
[The L word again... How does Jonas just do that so confidently... It's going to give him a panic attack.]
okay thanks
and no. i don't think so but i wouldn't have known until i got back home if she did haven't really seen her since i was 15 she moved out, got married and had kids she was happy. i was the problem kid, even worse after she left. but she taught me everything i know how to shoot a gun, how to drive, all that stuff
That's so great like That she got away from all that Not you but just Mars and general and stuff, you said it's pretty harsh there I'm happy for her
Sorry you had to say goodbye Cain We're similar there I think idk having a role model taken away isn't the greatest feeling She sounded like a badass though
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2/2
I meant what I said and that won't change
no subject
Why do those words on the screen blur when he looks at them? Cain realizes his eyes have teared up, which makes him grimace, pinching the wetness away before it can build any further.]
how do you say these things to people?
how can i even believe them?
no subject
And idk I just want to be like her if I can
Gentle or whatever
I took a lot of the things I had for granted
I let the things I didn't have make me bitter
I don't want you to wake up one day thinking "shit I regret not trying again" just bc you think you're a piece of shit
If you can't trust you then trust somebody who thinks you're great
no subject
you're pretty incredible yourself
you know that?
i don't think i ever said it
[And if he did, then it wasn't said enough.]
i got lucky, meeting you
1/2
Calling him incredible... Saying he's lucky to have met him... Cain isn't helping the rising feeling in his chest. He knows what it isβan urgency to see himβbut how inappropriate would that be right now? When Noctis is relying on him to wait, and in a way, so is Cain.
He presses the back of his hand to his face, wiping at hot tears.
I'm nothing special. )
When you say it I believe you so
Thanks
2/2
ik that's a fucked up thing to say rn but I just wish you were here
no subject
But he knows why he can't. It isn't even that he sees Noctis as an obstacle, because that would be diminishing the impact Noctis has had on both of them.
Remembering their last conversation, Cain makes an effort. He doesn't want to stop talking to Jonas.]
yeah
i know
i feel the same
hey, can you tell me about your mom?
if you want to
1/3
The fact that Cain asks about his mom changes something.
If Cain wants to get to know her, then he's more than allowed to get to know her son. )
Mom?
Yeah I want to
She was my best friend
2/3
Dad gave it to me when I got out of juvie
She was always saying she'd give it to me when she passed away anyway but it doesn't fit any of my fingers so lol
idk it's the most special thing I own
She was the best you would've really loved her
Everyone did
She was just kind
Like actually kind
That super rare kind where you just always wanted to be near her
3/3
Nobody's ever really been in my corner but her so like
To hear that you guys help to keep me safe and stuff especially after I went through smth awful would really mean a lot to her
no subject
He can still hear about it, and imagine what kind of person Jonas' mother was.]
wish i could've met her.
and i'm sorry that she's gone.
what was her name again? noctis mentioned it once, but
[Well... a lot's happened.]
i wanna know it from you
i get it, though
my sister was my best friend too
no subject
Really
Her name was Suzanna but she went by Suze
Or she wanted everyone to call her Suze bc it was "shorter and cuter" and didn't make her sound 80
And she preferred to be 2nd when it came to "Ben and Suze" not "Suze and Ben" bc someone thought her name was Susan Ben once
idk she was such a weirdo
I don't think I ever asked if you had siblings or anything and I'm sorry about that
Should've been a little more thorough lol
What was her name?
What was she like?
1/2
you know, you're a weirdo too
maybe that's where you got it from
don't apologize, pretty sure it's my fault
that's what noctis chewed me out about by the way
that i never ask you stuff. and i mean, he's right. that's how i was trying to keep it chill between us
so we could have fun, and i wouldn't start getting... the strings [is that what they're calling "feelings" now, bro to bro]
it scared me
i didn't think i'd get so fucked up when i imagined you and noctis together
2/2
she was pretty cool
[............. THAT'S IT]
no subject
Then he follows it up with the most Cain-like interaction of all time. Mila, the mystery sister, is "cool." Great. He knows so much more than he did.
Jonas can't help but laugh at the entire situation, a little thing he turns his head to choke off against his shoulder. What a fucking idiot. )
I love you too dumbass
It's whatever, we can figure this whole headache out later
Either way you guys are gonna be my best friends okay?
Nothing's gonna change about that
Just
Tell me about Mila
Like stream of consciousness, whatever comes up first
Did she pass away?
no subject
okay
thanks
and no. i don't think so
but i wouldn't have known until i got back home if she did
haven't really seen her since i was 15
she moved out, got married and had kids
she was happy. i was the problem kid, even worse after she left.
but she taught me everything i know
how to shoot a gun, how to drive, all that stuff
no subject
That she got away from all that
Not you but just Mars and general and stuff, you said it's pretty harsh there
I'm happy for her
Sorry you had to say goodbye Cain
We're similar there I think
idk having a role model taken away isn't the greatest feeling
She sounded like a badass though
no subject
and i feel the same
i'm glad she's happy
you'll text me if you need me, right?
no subject
I can't handle all of this by myself so
I promise I will
You do the same okay?
no subject
promise.