[ His goal was to remain calm and level. This conversation is vulnerable and scary enough and he just wants to get through it, however he can, with both of them in a good place. But reading that does something to him. Maybe it's their recent chats where he's found himself informed on too many gaps, or the blatant flirting in a place they both know he can see. Maybe it's both. ]
Lol what? Yes we talk to each other, you guys are my best friends I don't understand what's going on here man, are you like doubting I want to be your boyfriend or something? Just say it if you are
[ Continuing down that path is unwise and unfair to Cain, he knows that. But trying to navigate this conversation when he and Jonas haven't even talked about their own is almost impossible. ]
No I'm not
I just think we have different definitions of what that means. Unless you really wouldn't feel anything if you saw me talking to another guy like you do to Cain still
That's what I meant when I said we should've talked about this
( Oh, Jesus. It's so natural flirting with Cain, and he's so used to it, that he carried on without thinking. Now, it's coming back to bite him in the ass.
Of course, Noctis saw it. Of course, he's upset. Fuck. )
I'm gonna go reread them okay? Just gimme a sec to reread
( Subjecting himself to a reread stings, and it's shockingly painful to know that this has come during his and Cain's slide back into normalcy. After the fight. After learning about Abel.
He feels as though he's fucked two things up, squeezing his eyes shut for the moments it takes him to calm down. )
I'm sorry Noctis That was such a stupid thing to do I won't anymore okay??
We can define the crap out of this like super quick and then you seriously won't have to worry about anything like that I'm so serious about you
[ That should be exactly what he wants to hear. For the part of him that's in love with Jonas, or as deep into the beginning stages of love as someone can be in just a few intense months, it is. Being chosen and prioritized by someone for who he is is all he's ever wanted.
But.
The two of them don't exist in this alone, and neither do his feelings. The memory of staring at Cain's back, listening to him carefully craft a lie he didn't believe before stumbling through emotion he did, is still so near. And he wants Jonas to defend that person and his obvious affection for him against Noctis's own interests, to choose him and prove to all three of them that Cain's worth that despite his own self-doubt.
Why the hell is this so complicated? And why does it actively hurt when he should be thrilled? ]
Yeah I get it. I'm serious about you too
[ ... ]
I need you to talk to him. Not about defining shit or anything
Ik this doesn't make sense but I think you guys have things to discuss first. If you tell him that I think he'll get it
( Frustrating begins to mount as the vagueness of each of Noctis' statementsβall except one. They want each other, and that was supposed to be simple. Now that it's not, now that one more thing in his life is being twisted and confused, Jonas wants to lash out, break something, shout.
Why can't his life be normal? Why can't he forget about everything that's happened and just become happy? He can't have his cake and eat it, too; Noctis and Cain are beginning their friendship and to suggest anything else, especially when Noctis was so recently forced into coming out, would be unconscionable to Jonas. )
Dude if you know it doesn't make any sense, then just tell me so it does? You think he's into me, don't you?
I'm not a clueless idiot, ik when a hint is being laid down Why would I want to know if he does or doesn't when it'll just make things more complicated than they already are? I told him I was into him and how important he was to me and he didn't say anything Maybe he couldn't idk He's been through a lot We all have But I can't wait around and waste my opportunity to be with you, so I'm sorry I just don't want to discuss It's gonna make him feel like shit
How am I supposed to just tell you both about shit when it shouldn't be my business but always is? That's not even anyone's fault. It's just like all three of us are all tangled up constantly
I can't do anything w/o it affecting both of you. Trying to figure out the "right thing" is impossible so just give me a second
[ Cain. Jonas.
One's committed to being a martyr because he thinks he isn't good enough, and the other is open and honest with both of his friends, enough to tell Noctis now that he's already confessed to someone else. Like that solves one issue instead of adding another layer of complication he says he doesn't want, the last piece of the puzzle slotting itself into place. Jonas cares deeply for Cain, Cain cares deeply for Jonas. So he ignores both of those truths just to try to be happy with one of them? Is he even capable of doing that? ]
I didn't know you said all that to him so ig I'm still playing catch up. Forget what I said. If he doesn't wanna talk then that's on him
Okay okay just wait a sec Before you do I need to ask this If I'm wrong, I'm really sorry bc ik this sounds like the most douche-bag thing ever but Was I like a backup plan or something?
( It sounds hypocritical to him when he's just admitted to caring about Cain and confirming that with both of them, and it probably is. This conversation is rough, and it's only going to get rougher.
But... do they like each other?
Or did Noctis like Cain and now Cain isn't responding? Vice versa? )
It's fine if it's true, I won't be upset or anything I just need to know what the hell is going on lol I feel like I'm going crazy a little here Again
[ When he first reads Jonas's response, he doesn't even grasp what he's asking him. It's so unexpected and rattles so intensely against his current emotional mindset that the phrase "backup plan" becomes one he tries to apply to anything but their current romantic situation. And, by extension, to Cain. ]
What?
Are you asking me if I kissed you bc I didn't think Cain would be into me? I wanna know exactly what I'm responding to
Just like after you and Cain squared everything away and you started texting/meeting up to talk again I'm wondering if I wasn't maybe a second choice? If you like him or he likes you and you guys talked about it but it didn't work out or something
Again I'm not mad at all I just need to understand what I'm responding to too My brain is swelling rn I'm like trying not to get it all fucked up but I'm honestly really confused here
Me sharing all that shit with you was the first time I talked to anyone about it. Everything we did was me figuring it out for the first time. Why are you even asking me that when that should be my line?
Saying you wanna be my boyfriend one second and then telling me you already confessed to him like two seconds later? But I'm supposed to be fine with it obv bc he didn't respond. No he makes it obvious to me instead, but I've gotta act like an idiot and try to make sure you're both okay when he's made his choice and so have you
The backup option. And now you're asking me? After you can't help but text each other like that in front of me bc you're such great friends
You're right, you sound like a douchebag. You both do rn
"That is it"? What is this, your gotcha moment? Just bc it's your first time that means I can't feel fucked up about all of this?
I apologized for flirting with him, it was the only time it's happened so I'm actually glad it happened in front of you so you saw the literal EXTENT of it It was hard to just shake myself out of it all of a sudden, I'm like
( Breath shaking, tired of the drama involving the three of them, Jonas, not for the first time in his life, just pops. )
I wanted to be honest with you and you accused me of never talking to Cain about this stuff, so what was I supposed to do??? Not say anything????? Or be like "Yeah Noctis we actually don't ever talk about anything, you two are the only ones amazing enough to always talk about everything ever even though you treat it like a competition" That sounds super healthy Guess what I like to do?? Not force people into answering things constantly when they're clearly uncomfortable and trying to GET comfortable
Please PLEASE stop acting like you're some martyr middleman when no one asked you to be that He made his choice and so did I, but somehow I'm the one complicating it all by myself when you're the one trying to make sure we're all alright moving forward?? I made a single mistake And yeah I like you and I liked him, I still like him, and I can't get rid of that feeling so fucking quickly lmfao But I'm trying really REALLY hard to because I want to be with you So can you cut me some damn slack here???
I'm way too worked up Now I need time to think so like just stop texting me for a bit It's not your fault or anything it's okay I just need time to cool off
[ Some of those words make him so angry. Some of them cut at him exactly the wrong way and genuinely hurt him. Some make him embittered.
The strongest impression, however, comes at the very end, where a strong desire he empathizes with makes him want to sit down with Jonas and lament just how unfair this is. They love each other, and they're yelling at each other like complete jackasses. And fucking... fucking Cainβ
Why ask about him? Because he admitted to Jonas that he kissed him back? Jonas doesn't know about the quiet conversations they've had or the late night chats. He doesn't know that when Noctis says they're "doing better" it actually means things have changed between them completely. That the "forcing" and the "competition" have been discussed and worked on by both of them. And even with all that, he still thinks to ask?
What's he been showing? Has Cain said something?
And now Jonas wants him to sit quietly and just accept that shitty message. This is such bullshit. ]
Do that then
I'm heading out for a while
"well, while i'm already fucking things up, i might as well text cain!" goes to do that
He regrets being so dismissive of Noctis, because now it's going to be damn near impossible to find him to apologize. To make any of this right. And it feels like he's lost something crucial he won't ever get back.
How will this wind up in the end? When they're all done talking and they have to make one final decision?
Will any of them be happy?
It's hard to imagine now, as he wipes at his eyes, trying to calm his breathing. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Do you two talk to each other? Or is it just me?
no subject
Yes we talk to each other, you guys are my best friends
I don't understand what's going on here man, are you like doubting I want to be your boyfriend or something?
Just say it if you are
no subject
No I'm not
I just think we have different definitions of what that means. Unless you really wouldn't feel anything if you saw me talking to another guy like you do to Cain still
That's what I meant when I said we should've talked about this
1/2
Of course, Noctis saw it. Of course, he's upset. Fuck. )
I'm gonna go reread them okay?
Just gimme a sec to reread
2/2
He feels as though he's fucked two things up, squeezing his eyes shut for the moments it takes him to calm down. )
I'm sorry Noctis
That was such a stupid thing to do
I won't anymore okay??
We can define the crap out of this like super quick and then you seriously won't have to worry about anything like that
I'm so serious about you
no subject
But.
The two of them don't exist in this alone, and neither do his feelings. The memory of staring at Cain's back, listening to him carefully craft a lie he didn't believe before stumbling through emotion he did, is still so near. And he wants Jonas to defend that person and his obvious affection for him against Noctis's own interests, to choose him and prove to all three of them that Cain's worth that despite his own self-doubt.
Why the hell is this so complicated? And why does it actively hurt when he should be thrilled? ]
Yeah I get it. I'm serious about you too
[ ... ]
I need you to talk to him. Not about defining shit or anything
Ik this doesn't make sense but I think you guys have things to discuss first. If you tell him that I think he'll get it
no subject
Why can't his life be normal? Why can't he forget about everything that's happened and just become happy? He can't have his cake and eat it, too; Noctis and Cain are beginning their friendship and to suggest anything else, especially when Noctis was so recently forced into coming out, would be unconscionable to Jonas. )
Dude if you know it doesn't make any sense, then just tell me so it does?
You think he's into me, don't you?
I'm not a clueless idiot, ik when a hint is being laid down
Why would I want to know if he does or doesn't when it'll just make things more complicated than they already are?
I told him I was into him and how important he was to me and he didn't say anything
Maybe he couldn't idk
He's been through a lot
We all have
But I can't wait around and waste my opportunity to be with you, so I'm sorry I just don't want to discuss
It's gonna make him feel like shit
no subject
I can't do anything w/o it affecting both of you. Trying to figure out the "right thing" is impossible so just give me a second
[ Cain. Jonas.
One's committed to being a martyr because he thinks he isn't good enough, and the other is open and honest with both of his friends, enough to tell Noctis now that he's already confessed to someone else. Like that solves one issue instead of adding another layer of complication he says he doesn't want, the last piece of the puzzle slotting itself into place. Jonas cares deeply for Cain, Cain cares deeply for Jonas. So he ignores both of those truths just to try to be happy with one of them? Is he even capable of doing that? ]
I didn't know you said all that to him so ig I'm still playing catch up. Forget what I said. If he doesn't wanna talk then that's on him
I just need to think about this okay
no subject
Before you do I need to ask this
If I'm wrong, I'm really sorry bc ik this sounds like the most douche-bag thing ever but
Was I like a backup plan or something?
( It sounds hypocritical to him when he's just admitted to caring about Cain and confirming that with both of them, and it probably is. This conversation is rough, and it's only going to get rougher.
But... do they like each other?
Or did Noctis like Cain and now Cain isn't responding? Vice versa? )
It's fine if it's true, I won't be upset or anything
I just need to know what the hell is going on lol
I feel like I'm going crazy a little here
Again
no subject
What?
Are you asking me if I kissed you bc I didn't think Cain would be into me? I wanna know exactly what I'm responding to
no subject
I'm wondering if I wasn't maybe a second choice?
If you like him or he likes you and you guys talked about it but it didn't work out or something
Again I'm not mad at all I just need to understand what I'm responding to too
My brain is swelling rn I'm like trying not to get it all fucked up but I'm honestly really confused here
no subject
No Jonas
Me sharing all that shit with you was the first time I talked to anyone about it. Everything we did was me figuring it out for the first time. Why are you even asking me that when that should be my line?
Saying you wanna be my boyfriend one second and then telling me you already confessed to him like two seconds later? But I'm supposed to be fine with it obv bc he didn't respond. No he makes it obvious to me instead, but I've gotta act like an idiot and try to make sure you're both okay when he's made his choice and so have you
The backup option. And now you're asking me? After you can't help but text each other like that in front of me bc you're such great friends
You're right, you sound like a douchebag. You both do rn
1/2
What is this, your gotcha moment?
Just bc it's your first time that means I can't feel fucked up about all of this?
I apologized for flirting with him, it was the only time it's happened so I'm actually glad it happened in front of you so you saw the literal EXTENT of it
It was hard to just shake myself out of it all of a sudden, I'm like
( Breath shaking, tired of the drama involving the three of them, Jonas, not for the first time in his life, just pops. )
I wanted to be honest with you and you accused me of never talking to Cain about this stuff, so what was I supposed to do???
Not say anything?????
Or be like "Yeah Noctis we actually don't ever talk about anything, you two are the only ones amazing enough to always talk about everything ever even though you treat it like a competition"
That sounds super healthy
Guess what I like to do??
Not force people into answering things constantly when they're clearly uncomfortable and trying to GET comfortable
Please PLEASE stop acting like you're some martyr middleman when no one asked you to be that
He made his choice and so did I, but somehow I'm the one complicating it all by myself when you're the one trying to make sure we're all alright moving forward??
I made a single mistake
And yeah I like you and I liked him, I still like him, and I can't get rid of that feeling so fucking quickly lmfao
But I'm trying really REALLY hard to because I want to be with you
So can you cut me some damn slack here???
2/2 two minutes later:
It's not your fault or anything it's okay I just need time to cool off
no subject
The strongest impression, however, comes at the very end, where a strong desire he empathizes with makes him want to sit down with Jonas and lament just how unfair this is. They love each other, and they're yelling at each other like complete jackasses. And fucking... fucking Cainβ
Why ask about him? Because he admitted to Jonas that he kissed him back? Jonas doesn't know about the quiet conversations they've had or the late night chats. He doesn't know that when Noctis says they're "doing better" it actually means things have changed between them completely. That the "forcing" and the "competition" have been discussed and worked on by both of them. And even with all that, he still thinks to ask?
What's he been showing? Has Cain said something?
And now Jonas wants him to sit quietly and just accept that shitty message. This is such bullshit. ]
Do that then
I'm heading out for a while
"well, while i'm already fucking things up, i might as well text cain!" goes to do that
He regrets being so dismissive of Noctis, because now it's going to be damn near impossible to find him to apologize. To make any of this right. And it feels like he's lost something crucial he won't ever get back.
How will this wind up in the end? When they're all done talking and they have to make one final decision?
Will any of them be happy?
It's hard to imagine now, as he wipes at his eyes, trying to calm his breathing. )