𝚊𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚘𝚖, 𝚒𝚗-𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗𝚋𝚘𝚡.

[coherer]

sadwhore04:

if a demon possessed me i'd just b like ok take it from here good luck man

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Comments

[mensrea]

[ An actual groan. ]

If you're going to meme, at least stay faithful to the original wording.

I'm Stiles.

[coherer]

Who dis* my bad, Spider-Man.

I'm totally down to split a place. It'd definitely be cheaper, but do you really want to room with the failure witch that hydro pumped you in a dream sequence?

[mensrea]

None of that ever happened. It was a dream. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, okay? Please, I'm begging you, let's NEVER discuss any of it ever again.

[ He is not ready to face the reality of becoming an Arachne. ]

But yeah, I really want to. In the unlikely chance that there's a "next time," maybe try using Water Gun instead. As your new roommate, I feel obligated to tell you I have no waterboarding fetishes.

1/2

[coherer]

I cannot blame you lmao, deal.

No waterboarding, no mentioning anything remotely related to what happened in a dream we did not share, and no sharing facebook aunt memes unless they're funny in an ironic way. If that's all cool, I think we can make this work.

2/2

[coherer]

Actually, one more thing: do you mind if I smoke?

I'll go outside, I just need to know.

[mensrea]

I'll spare you a lecture on how gross smoking is. For now. Yeah, you can smoke. If the furniture starts to reek though, you have to pay for upholstery cleaning.

Deal?

[coherer]

Thanks...

If we rent a house I can just stand on the porch. Cool? idk what to do now, though. Do we sign smth?

[mensrea]

Cool.

I don't think there's anything official about it. I asked one of the witches and he told me there's no rent. So, want to pick a place to stay? I mean, I guess you could say that

it's free real estate.

[coherer]

You can't hear me, but I'm laughing. Like super hard rn.

(narrator: he wasn't.)

I can't believe we can just walk right up and call dibs on a whole house. Am I going to find out a bunch of people were murdered in them and that's why they're freebies?

[mensrea]

[ You started it!! ]

I call the room without bloodstains in it.

If we find tombstones in the backyard, we should destroy them. That's what you do in The Sims to keep the ghosts from haunting a zone.

[coherer]

(actually snorts a laugh, reaching up to press fingers in against the bridge of his nose. fucking sims.)

Shut up omg lmao

Have you watched a single horror movie? If you desecrate the graves, your ass is guaranteed a haunting. No destroying. Promise.

[mensrea]

I promise.

[ Not. He will, without hesitation, desecrate a grave if, for whatever reason, it becomes necessary. ]

Maybe that’s how we’ll christen the house, though. Think they’ve got Paranormal Activity or The Blair Witch Project in this place?

[coherer]

I'm gonna say no? Given that the most adv thing I've seen is a smartwatch.

But look, we'll go to the library and pick out some scary kid's stories for you.

[mensrea]

KID'S stories? I mention Paranormal Activity and The Blair Witch Project and that's what you lump me in with? The kid's section!? Listen, Harry Potter, your namesake was young adult literature. So you better climb off your high horse.

High Thestral. Maybe? Is that even spelled right? I don't remember.

[coherer]

(wants to throw an "okay, shelob," or better yet—in keeping with the harry potter vibes—"whatever you say, aragog," but that'd be immature. he promised stiles he wouldn't bring it up and he doesn't intend to. that's up to him. his body, his rules.)

I can't even ride horses. How do you think I'd manage a skeletal one???

as a former horseback rider, i'm offended by my own tag

[mensrea]

[ You're good people, Jonas. ]

I can't either, but how hard can it be? Saddle probably does most of the work for you.

JUST DON'T DWELL, LOOK AWAY

[coherer]

Okay but what if you start slipping to the side, or even backwards? If you fall off you're going to get caught in the pedals and break an ankle. Or your neck.

(PEDALS)

Do you think we'll have to try here?

[mensrea]

Dude. They’re called stirrups. How do you not know that.

[ Pedals. Jesus Christ. ]

Yeah. I think the Coven is going to personally escort you from our future house straight to the nearest barn, set you up on their biggest, meanest pony, and make you try.

NO, I don’t think we’ll have to try. Why would we?

[coherer]

oh how would you know?? You just got here too.

Maybe cylwd stuff will happen or shades will attack and our only way out is on horseback? Think about it dude.

(he'll never spell cwyld right. if he does, it's not jonas. it's a murderer pretending to be jonas.)

[mensrea]

Alright, let's think about it. Shades attack and the only way out is on horseback. How many people are housed in this district? In the entire city? Are ALL of us on horses? Do we each get our own horse to ride, or are we doubling up? Where do we ride the horses? If we go outside the city, aren't we in more danger? But if we stay inside the city, will there be enough room for the thousands of horses that definitely don't even exist in number? What if Jonas gets his foot stuck in the pedal? What if Jonas gets his foot stuck in ALL the pedals? Can I collect on roommate life insurance if he's trampled underneath this paragraph of pointless abstraction?

[coherer]

tl;dr

[mensrea]

tl;dr we'll sign you up for horseback riding lessons next week, okay champ?

[coherer]

Double dog dare me

[mensrea]

I triple dog dare you.

[coherer]

That's not how dog daring works, unless you want to get another person for this.

Just saying.