𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚖, 𝚒𝚗-𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗𝚋𝚘𝚡.

[coherer]

JONAS WARD
"That's between you and your priest."

TEXT. AUDIO. VIDEO. ACTION.

Comments

[fessus]

I'm not avoiding it was just multiple questions and my fingers got tired

[ ... ]

Smth that naps a lot bc then I could get more sleep

[coherer]

You think I like rats and raccoons?
They're literally pests on earth
Raccoons are little scumbags and rats are rats

( the earth archive gifts him this video which he sends to the others )

Noct I'd say you're like a sloth but you are legit just a cat in human form because you pretend you're cool but you're a loser
ig you and Cain can be cat buddies
How am I a dog???
What kind of dogs are we?

( follows up with a pic of a sloth )

[fessus]

No I think Cain likes cats bc he said it, keep up

[ Hold on, now he needs to watch this video. Or, at least, as much of it as he can get through before he is completely unable to resist replying. ]

Hahaha

Pest? If people don't guard their stuff that's on them, these things are pretty cool. And like a mix between a cat and dog so best of both. Really cute tbh

Forget the dog thing, you're this

[ as he casually saves the sloth pic ]

[blyat]

[... this is the best video he's ever seen. Way better than the shitty copies of vids he'd get secondhand from Earth. And the picture? :reee:]

holy shit
i didn't even know sloth was an animal

[AUGHHHHH THIS IS ALL SO CUTE he's barely keeping it together. Thank god this isn't in person.]

the racoon looks like it's wearing a mask
i like the little hands

[coherer]

See he's a little bandit, it's so accurate LMAO
They are pests though like they dig through the trash and get into the house and cause problems
But they rub their hands together and stuff like they're begging
ig it's cute haha

Sloths are legit like
They barely move at all apparently
They're so slow that moss and fungus and stuff can grow on them
So basically Noctis

Is this you Cain?

[fessus]

[ The animals are adorable. But Cain and Jonas? He suddenly thinks they might be giving them a run for their money, and that realization is normally more alarming than it is right now. Maybe it's because he remembers all too well how their last group chat went, and knowing they're all three here talking about nicknames and animals and whatever other stupid stuff comes to mind feels secure. Good. ]

Does that mean we have to hide our trash from you lol? I'd keep one as a pet and teach it to steal stuff from people I didn't like. Then I could give it scratches and stuff

Unlike the sloth which sounds like it'd give you a rash or smth

I will literally race you tomorrow just to prove you wrong btw. You and Cain, I'll take you both on

[blyat]

didn't you hear noctis
i'm not a cat, i'm a dog
loyal and strong and a protector

[and gay af...]

but yeah i could see you being a sneaky little bandit
going through our trash
rubbing your hands together to be cute

if we race i'm definitely winning

[coherer]

OK ok you're a dog
I mean I can't argue with it when you saved me from lizards but like
Look up "rottweiler" in the archives, that's you
Or "doberman"

You kids have fun racing each other bc I am OUT
There's no way I'm winning that
I'm not humble ik my strengths (few) and weaknesses (many)

Noctis is the cat then right?
That angry black one looks identical to him tbh

[fessus]

Yeah Cain's a dog

Needy and loud and a protector [ Look how kind he is, letting him keep one of the positive traits. ]

I'm looking them up rn btw, h/o

[ give him 30 seconds, and then: ] Okay doberman for sure, the spiky ears are like his spiky hair

I bet a cat could outrun it. No way the sloth could so ig I'm settled

1/2

[blyat]

the first one
rottweiler
looks stronger...

[staring at pictures of rotty puppies, he is not ok]

2/2

[blyat]

why were we doing this again

1/2

[coherer]

bc animals are cuties🥰

2/2

[coherer]

But actually I can't remember lol

[fessus]

[ casually saves a pic of a rottweiler and a raccoon so he can edit them together as his phone background ]

Bc we were coming up with nicknames remember? You guys are stupid

So ig Jonas is pest and Cain you're stocky

[blyat]

[that is the gayest thing noctis has done in his life]

hell yeah, stocky is a compliment

so what are you?
lazy?

[coherer]

I will happily take pest
Lazy is a pretty good descriptor of cats
Or LOL sassy

[fessus]

[ do not perceive me ]

This is backfiring considering you guys were supposed to hate them and not agree [ JUST SAYS IT ]

You could just stick with your highness for me nbd

[blyat]

sassy

that's it 100%

[coherer]

LOL whatever you say Sassy

[fessus]

[ ....... I cannot believe I was thinking such nice thoughts about you guys 10 seconds ago ]

Yk what I changed my mind

Asshole and Dickhead, you decide which one is which

[blyat]

🍆🍑
j can pick first

hey can i change mine
i wanna be sexy

[coherer]

I'll be dickhead so I can lord over sassy and asshole😇
🍆🍆🍆

If we're choosing again I want to be J
What do you think Sassy?
You get one more chance to choose guys

[fessus]

🔪🍆

If I ever call anyone "sexy" you guys know my body's been taken over by aliens right

So nice try. You can stay J instead of dickhead but only bc Cain already gave it to you. I'll put a pin in mine

[blyat]

don't threaten us with a good time 🍆💦

[does this count as sexual harassment if he's actually slept with one of them... or does it cancel out]

ok, sassy 🤘

[Cain has clearly found the emojis he likes]

[coherer]

Lol awesome😛
Cain's right, don't act like you don't like Nosha

You really wouldn't ever say sexy??
It's not like a bad word or anything